So this morning I had a conversation with my girlfriend and realized some difficulties in communication. Well I guess you could say she was trying to vent a situation to me that was causing a lot of stress and I was doing my best to listen. The situation was causing her so much anxiety that she and I were talking about it even the night before. I always try my best to be compassionate and listen but it can be difficult at times because my brain works a bit differently. I’ve noticed that she needs to process things in a different way than I do. To keep the anonymity of the situation I wont go into details about what we were talking about. She explained the situation to me. She was on the fence about what to do. The way my mind works is that there are always 2 choices to every situation. I figured that she could just pick one of the choices and that would be that. Problem solved. But I am realizing that it isn’t that simple. There are emotions attached to the situation which I’m not use to experiencing. So for her there is a lot more that needs to be processed before letting go or choosing a course of action. For me the way my brain works is that there are 2 choices to make and all that needs to be done is choose one. No emotions involved. Now I’m going to be clear that neither way of handling the situation is wrong. So I thought that after we talked about the dilemma for 10 minutes it was all figured out and time to make a decision and move on. To my surprise I woke up in the morning to a still stressed out girlfriend that still needed to talk it out with me. I was trying my best to listen but found myself getting a little uneasy because I wasn’t understanding how she needed to work through this. She could sense that I wasn’t on the same page with her. That I wasn’t understanding how she needed to still talk it over. I felt trapped. I wasn’t sure if I needed to give advice or just listen. If I just listen then she may think I don’t care. If I give advice then I might seem insincere. What a dilemma I was facing. So this got me thinking. Is there any scientific and psychological proof of men and woman’s brains working differently. So I decided to do some research to understand better. Below I have sited some information I found to show how our brains work differently.
Here are some differences I found while searching the internet
For some more reading on this subject check out this article on PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
Thank you for reading my blog.
Men and women have the same basic need to be loved and cared for, though men and women often show their love differently. For example, many men won’t talk openly about the range of their loving feelings for their girlfriend, telling themselves, ‘She knows.’ On the other hand, many women I’ve counseled over the years share their loving feelings openly. Women in relationships often wish they got a little more expressiveness in the emotion department from their male partners, but women must understand that one of the ways men like to show love is through actions – not words. A guy tells himself that showing love means taking his girlfriend on a trip, getting her a special gift, or taking her to a nice dinner. Again, men believe that actions show their love better than words. (Written by Dr. Seth)
In a perfect world, both partners in a relationship would share each important role in a relationship equally. But in reality, the chips rarely fall into such neat order. Typically, for example, one partner will be more of a nurturer, financial provider, or social organizer than the there — and the list goes on. For two people to feel happy in a relationship, each partner must feel needed. Each partner must trust that they have a purpose or function in the relationship that is necessary, acknowledged, and appreciated by the other partner. When men or women don’t feel needed and don’t have a clear sense of their role in the relationship, they will often start feeling unhappy, defeated, or even empty. Men and women often differ in the roles they take on in their relationships. Historically, men have identified more as financial providers and occasional home repairmen, as coaches for their kids’ sports teams, and so forth. Women, on the other hand, often manage things at home, offer more emotional nurturance, and take on a role as the family planner by managing bills, planning events, and organizing the couple’s or family’s social life. Given these differences, it is critical for all men and women in relationships to understand their own unique purpose in the relationship, as well as to acknowledge the unique roles and purpose of their respective partners. Ultimately, men and women have more similarities than differences, which is why many relationships are happy ones which last for years. The more aware men and women can become of what makes each gender unique, the better male-female relationships will be in the future. In other words, there’s still hope! (Written by Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.)
When women try to solve a problem, they often rely on the help of those close to them. Women will talk through their problem, discussing the situation in detail, and how they could solve it. While the solution is important, just how they solve the problem is important too. The process of discussion is also important to women, giving them the opportunity to strengthen the relationship with the person they are talking to. As a result, a woman may consider a relationship to be weakened if the person they are talking to appears to be uninterested or unhelpful.
On the other hand, men approach problem solving with much less communication. Instead, they will often dominate the problem solving process and will use it as a chance to demonstrate their knowledge and ability. Similarly to women, the process of solving the problem is important, but for men it is important to solve the problem in the best and most effective way.
Often in relationships it is common for men to feel overwhelmed about how much women discuss their frustrations and the expectation placed on them to offer support. Similarly, women often feel that a man will dismiss their problems when he offers advice without appearing to be supportive or sympathetic. As men rarely use communication in their problem solving, it does not come as naturally to them to discuss their problems as it does to women, and as a result they are much less likely to tell their partner about any problems they may be experiencing. When faced with their partner’s problems, a man’s natural reaction will be to think through the problem and offer effective solutions to it. Women on the other hand, preferring to use the problem solving process as a chance to discuss how they are feeling, may want to talk about more than potential solutions. This is why it is common for women to feel that, when their partner does not appear comfortable discussing her problems, that there are problems with the relationship. This is also why men can feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable hearing ever detail about their partner’s difficulties.
It is usually difficult to change the habits of a lifetime and accepting different ways of solving problems, but it is worth bearing these differences in mind when you find the differences between men and women frustrating. Your partner will have your best intentions at heart and wants to help; they just do it in a different way. (Written by Margrit Bradley is a licensed cosmetologist and hairdresser. With more than twelve years experience.)